Dating with an Anxious Attachment style (+ celebrating a feature in Glamour magazine)
So excited to share that my coaching was recently featured in Glamour magazine! The piece was written by the wonderful Rebecca Fearn who I worked with over a number of 1:1 coaching sessions to help her to heal her anxious attachment style and work towards becoming more secure in love.
This work is incredibly close to my heart because doing the work to heal my own anxious attachment style has been the most important and meaningful work I've ever done on my self development journey. More on that another time but today I want to talk about what's possible when you commit to change.
Rebecca started her journey where so many people with an anxious attachment style do - feeling stuck in patterns of self sabotage in her love life, driven by anxiety and self doubt. She was fed up of second guessing herself and dating people who couldn't meet her needs.
After years of knowing this was something she needed to address, she said she could no longer put it off and it was time to do the work. She'd read about attachment styles but knowledge alone wasn’t enough. She was ready to take action and do the deep work of understanding where her patterns came from and how they were shaping her relationships.
Here’s what we worked on together:
1. Self-awareness first.
You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge and you can't heal what you don't understand. Together, we unpacked her anxious attachment patterns and explored how they were showing up in her dating life. In the article, she shared an aha moment around her fear of being ‘too much’ and how it led her to overshare on dates in an attempt to speed up a connection, but which would often push people away.
2. Clarity on what she wanted.
We visualised her ideal relationship and got clear around what she wanted from a healthy partnership, We created the mantra "I am available for a safe, kind, passion/laughter-filled relationship" to remind her of the love she deserves.
3. Learning to self-soothe.
Anxious attachers often look to their partner for reassurance but true healing comes when you can learn to reassure yourself first. Mastering this skill helps you to approach dating from a place of calm and strength rather than stress and reactivity.
4. Shifting from scarcity to self-worth.
When you have an anxious attachment style, you tend to crave closeness and connection. This helps you to feel safe in love but if you've mainly dated people who have an avoidant attachment style, your need for closeness may feel overwhelming for them. In an anxious-avoidant dynamic, it's common for the anxiously attached person to feel shame for needing what they need. Validating your need for closeness (and having someone else validate it) is a key part of the healing journey. Together, we reset her approach and got clear on her dating non-negotiable’s.
5. Choosing partners who feel safe.
Healing isn’t just about doing inner work, it’s about choosing people and relationships that support your growth. Rebecca committed to dating people who showed up for her emotionally, rather than those who kept her guessing. Through the coaching, she was able to shift her dating mindset from fear to hope and see that her needs weren’t ‘too much’- they were simply waiting to be met by the right person.
She said:
“Coaching has restored my belief that I can work through my anxiety – and find a partner who I deserve.”
Ready to heal your anxious attachment style and find a love that feels safe, secure, and fulfilling?
Through 1:1 Love Coaching, Rebecca was able to shift from anxious attachment patterns to self-trust - gaining the confidence to date with clarity and choose partners who could meet her needs. And this kind of transformation is possible for you too.
Inside my Wholehearted Dating 1:1 Coaching Programme, we’ll work together to:
✨ Gain deep self-awareness and understand your attachment patterns
✨ Learn to self-soothe and feel secure in dating
✨ Shift from fear and anxiety to confidence and clarity
✨ Choose partners who are emotionally available and right for you
If you're tired of feeling stuck in the same dating patterns and ready to build a secure, fulfilling love life then let’s talk! Book your free call today and take the first step toward secure, wholehearted love.
👉 Click here to book your Love Coaching Consultation call.
Love,
Vicki x
