Nursing a Vulnerability Hangover
'Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage'.
Brene Brown
So I recently wrote a love letter about my experience of navigating a vulnerability hangover and it’s been really resonating with people (including my dear friend Eve on Radio Headspace!) so I thought I would add it to my blog. Here it is below…
Lately I’ve been going out of my comfort zone, after setting myself a challenge of ‘one act of bravery a day’.
I’ve been putting myself out there with regards to work, making new connections, having brave conversations at home, asking for help, celebrating myself and doing things that are scary (but which I know are good for me).
It’s been uncomfortable. I have resisted it. The vulnerability hangovers have been hard. And I am proud of myself at the same time.
My vulnerability hangover after a recent speaking event went something like this..
Say yes to the opportunity.
Build up the courage to do it and feel ready and excited!
Do the brave thing.
Go into ‘analysis mode’ - I could have said that thing better, I forgot to say x, y, z. Was it good enough? Am I good enough?
Cue waves of uncertainty, self doubt and insecurity.
Hungover feelings - fatigue, craving beige food, wanting to hide.
It is from this place that the mind loves to invent stories around not being good enough, that it’s not safe to be vulnerable, that we should probably not do that brave thing again.
This is natural.
This is the saboteur at play, who just wants to protect us and keep us safe.
And it’s tempting to believe these stories and never go out of our comfort zone again but that doesn’t feel loving to me.
What feels loving is to do the brave thing, expect some discomfort and to create a really ‘soft landing’ for afterwards.
So this week has been all about softness, gentleness and lots of self compassion and self care. This has taken the form of loving-kindness meditations, dog cuddles, slower mornings, swimming, writing ‘I am enough’ on post-it notes, journalling and EFT tapping.
Through this process, I have gained experience. I have expanded my comfort zone. I have gained a little more confidence around public speaking.
I used to believe that you needed confidence to do brave things but now I see that confidence is the result of being brave.
A vulnerability hangover may show up for you after a first date, a 5th date, after public speaking, after asking for a pay-rise, after a brave conversation with a friend or partner, after posting on Instagram, after setting a boundary, after saying I love you, after a vulnerable share.
How does it show up for you?
And what are some ways that you can nurse your vulnerability hangover so you can continue to be brave? What’s your ‘soft landing’?
As always, so much love,
Vicki x
