Why self love is at the heart of my work with clients
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Rumi
I was asked one of those "What do you do?’ type questions at a party recently.
‘What does a love coach actually do?’.
As I answered the question, I felt a sense of aliveness and excitement, totally present to my passion for this work and why I love what I do.
I was thinking of this conversation as I sat down to write to you today and felt inspired to share a little about why I find this work to be so meaningful.
While clients come to me because they want to partner, a big part of what we focus on is self love and cultivating a supportive, encouraging and loving self-relationship.
Because the relationship we have with ourselves sets the tone for our connections with others.
The poet Rumi says “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Such barriers, that can develop as a result of past experience or conditioning, include, self-doubt, a fear of vulnerability, a fear of rejection, a critical inner voice, shame and limiting beliefs around loveability and worthiness.
Fear is in the driving seat of our love lives when the barriers are up around our hearts.
When fear is running the show, we might reject love and connection when it is offered.
We may pursue pain over love.
We might avoid opportunities that would have us meeting new people.
We might overlook red flags, condone bad behaviour or have leaky boundaries.
These behaviours come from a place of self-protection but they have us blocking the love and connection that we crave.
A big part of the work I do with clients is in bringing curiosity and compassionate awareness to the ways we might be blocking love and to feel encouraged to take steps to become more open to love and more available for connection.
It takes courage to look at the behaviours that are no longer serving us and to bring a loving presence to the fears and painful stories that have been robbing us of our power.
In getting intimate with our deep fears and having them witnessed, shame is reduced and space is created for self love to prevail. From this place, we are more available for the loving and connected relationship that we’d really love to be in.
Embracing self love allows us to set healthy boundaries, assert our needs, make healthy dating choices and attract loving and supportive people into our lives. It empowers us to raise our standards and date and love from a place of agency, courage and wholeheartedness.
As the saying goes, loving ourselves is a journey and not a destination. It’s not always comfortable but it is deeply meaningful and brave.
It is a privilege to be on this journey with clients, supporting them to be the love they want to receive ❤️.
So much love,
Vicki x
PS if you’d like love letters like this delivered straight to your inbox, sign up here!
PPS And if you’d like some support on your love journey, here are three ways we can work together:
Dating SOS Mini Session - receive personalised dating tips, journalling prompts and dating profile support with a 60 minute Dating SOS mini session. You’ll be amazed at how powerful these mini sessions can be! Book yourself in here.
Tapping into Self Love 1:1 Session - This 90 minute session will help you to quiet the inner critic, dissolve self doubt and tap into your most supportive, wise and loving self. Head here to find out more.
Join Wholehearted Dating - my 4 month 1:1 Signature Love Coaching Programme that will transform your love life ❤️. I work with a handle of clients each year. Click here to explore!
